Reprezenttt!!! (with a Z)

At a pre-dinner chat-fest last night, a friend of mine used a phrase that I find irresistible. We were talking about first dates, (and first impressions in general) and she said that these times were when you "invoke your representative"— meaning try not to share the raw truth about your soul with the person you are with. In a fit of spiraling, random thought-storm last night walking home, I got to thinking about my own representative.

The following is a performance evaluation for my representative.

• She only works part-time, specifically during job interviews and committee meetings. And even then, she takes too many breaks, and I find myself blurting out, "that bald guy over there took the document, Dr. XYZ".
  

• She does not work on call. I have to schedule her hours weeks in advance.

• She doesn’t get along with the mother-organization. There are frequent disagreements about public statements that do not in fact represent the views of The Me.